you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
