I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This house was built for laser tag.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I had to cum in my sink.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
