i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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