Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
