im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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