I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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