Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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