What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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