Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
