Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
