what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
