So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
