dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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