somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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