I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
