I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
