Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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