So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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