I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize