hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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