I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Randomize
