somebody snuck up and got me drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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