On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
