the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
