So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
