Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
