she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
