I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
try to milk me bitch
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