Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
