Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize