Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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