I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
