im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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