Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
