If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
