I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
