i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
