I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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