I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
