It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize