Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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