Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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