Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
