Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize