And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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