I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
