and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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