Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
