yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
