Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
