I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
