Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
