I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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