I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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