I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
