She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
