I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
