her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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