It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
