I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
