I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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