I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
