he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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