I need help removing her.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
