I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
where does the pee come out of this thing
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Come share oat with me in your robe
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
