My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He is an equal opportunity slut.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
