dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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