True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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