im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize