I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
