he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
