I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
