I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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