dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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