shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
whose parrot is this?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
