I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
