So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
