I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
