just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
