so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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