Me. At least after what I've been through.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
