First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
