I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
