meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
