Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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