3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
