So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
