I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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