So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
