You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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