You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
